An alternate summary Basically all of our parties are fucked. But the LDP will at least give us assault weapons to kill cunts we don't like and allow us to euthanise ourselves when we can't take it anymore.
We are not allowed to look at the consequences of Mass Immigration rationally until at least one previously prosperous European country is balkanized and rioting.
Await Trump to uncuck the West into saving itself and the death of the fucking 7 PM Project.
Sickcunt (Don't want to fucking die) parties Edit
Liberal Democrats - Free market, low taxes, legalise guns for self defence, freedom of speech rights, allow you to pirate movies and videogames without consequences, cut all foreign aid, legalise weed, legalise euthanasia, legalise gay marriage, cut welfare. Wants to arrange Free Immigration agreements with Canada, UK, Singapore and Japan, like what we already have with New Zealand, which has worked out just great, yep no murders or anything.
Australian Voice - Pay cuts for politicians, generally against foreign ownership, offshoring of jobs and immigration. Calls for immigrants to learn English and adopt our culture (Common bloody sense party).
Uniting Australia Party - Pay cuts for politicians, calls for immigrants adopt our culture
Australian Protectionist Party - Anti immigration, anti multiculturalism, pro traditional families, trade protectionists
One Nation - Anti immigration, anti multiculturalism, anti foreign investment and a false flag party. Has asked politely for an explanation.
Rise Up Australia Party - Anti multiculturalism, anti foreign ownership, pro castle doctrine, pro Australian manufacturing, anti gibsmedat, anti gay marriage, anti abortion. Led by Danny Nalliah, a Sri Lankan immigrant and young-earth creationist who can allegedly resurrect the dead.
Australia First Party - Recognize the risk of Mass Immigration and an Islamic majority. Pro castle doctrine. Has this weird disease called patriotism that really needs to be eradicated by a few more tolerance seminars.
"I want to be both bankrupt and a Caliphate by 2030" parties Edit
The Greens -
Pro cuckolding, anti nuclear because actually fuck efficient alternative energy and the environment, fag marriage and mandatory tranny sex sessions, safe schools decent treatment for rapefugees Civilization was a huge mistake, Australia should have an Emu as the head of state who will dictate all legislation. Legalise inter-species marriage!
Socialist Equality Party - Socialists. Jobs, basic living wage, health care, education, and housing for everyone. This will be funded by nationalising the banks and major corporations. This historically has always worked wonders.
Secular Party of Australia - Wants separation of church and state. pro education, pro gay marriage, pro euthanasia, anti tax breaks for religious organisation, pro stem cell research. "Every family will have a fedora by 2018".
Sex Party -
DUDEWEEDLMAO, tax churches, Abortions are a human right ;), demand euthanasia at 18 years of age, allow same sex marriage between bicycles and bicycle helmets. Slavs, enough said.
Australian Democrats - Pro sustainability, pro treating asylum to a fair go at buggering you in the bum, pro education, however these guys are a complete shambles internally at the moment. I'd recommend against preferencing them highly till they sort themselves out and when Hillary Clinton has finished sucking the souls from Valhalla's Hall of the Dead to regain her terrible powers.
Australian Independents - Lots of expensive left policies and tax cuts so they won't be able to pay for them. Also they want to ban puppies and kittens.
Socialist Alliance - I really really want to get raped and beheaded by muslims and I'm a gay cunt so this is my party.
Derryn Hinch's Justice Party - Feminism is the best and gays rule my anus. Only doctors are allowed to kill people.
Single issue cuck parties Edit
Stop CSG - Single issue anti Coal Seam Gas mining party
Help End Marijuana Prohibition (HEMP) Party - DUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAODUDEWEEDLMAOBECAUSE IT IS CURRENT YEAR
Pirate Party - Intellectual property reform party. Other policies are broadly left, including pro gay marriage and allowing muslim men to gangbang your wife on your wedding night.
Animal Justice Party - Single issue animal welfare and rights party (except for the process that creates Halal meat, where the animal is intentionally and painfully bled to death by a cut to the throat whilst still alive. That is just their culture and you must respect that. It is unfair to push basic morality on other cultures you racist.)
Palmer United Party -
Anti lobbying, anti carbon tax, pro mining, pro decent treatment of asylum seekers. Pro-Clive Palmer and that's it. Never saw anyone get as rekt as this fat bastard. Unless this guy gets in and opens the borders.
Australian Labor Party - For the NBN, carbon tax, mining tax, "at least they aren't the coalition party", been mulling the benefits of a Caliphate and thoughtless Mass Immigration ever since Gillards deal with the socialist devil.
Katter's Australian Party - Pro australian agriculture and manufacturing, anti privatisation, carbon tax, and "Nanny State" regulations. Only semi-decent Q&A panelist besides Peter Hitchens. Pro immigration.
Parties without any real policies (most pure like the angels) Edit
Senator Online (Internet Voting Bills/Issues) - Policies to be decided by internet polls. Nothing could go wrong there right guys ;^)
Ungrouped 1 (Greg Rudd) - Wants more concience votes and for Qld senators to work for Queensland instead of for their parties.
Ungrouped 2 (Peter Keioskie) - No policies, just candidate profiles
Libertarian parties Edit
The Australian Republicans - Libertarian party, wants an Australian president, not associated with the American Republican Party (tfw no Trump PM)
Parties masquerading as right wing as controlled opposition Edit
Liberal National Party of Queensland - Against the NBN, carbon tax, mining tax, negative gearing shills and GST anti honesty cucks. Slighty sensible hostile treatment towards future """""European""""" overlords.
Single issue right parties Edit
Building Australia Party - The party for building things. Want to release more land for development and remove regulations that would prevent building things. You like things don't ya? Where do you think they come from? They're built ya dumb cunt.
Smokers Rights - Single issue smokers party. Anti tobacco taxes, anti smoking bans, anti plain packaging laws. Also for Cancer.
Australian Motoring Enthusiast Party - Pro right to modify your vehicle, pro hooning in 4WDs and motorboats in national parks. Do a burnout!!
Stop The Greens - Want to open national parks and marine parks to 4WDs, shooters, motorbikes, paintball players, etc. Has the noblest goal in its namesake ordained from Ned Kelly riding the Rainbow Snake himself. Now plotting to nuke Melbourne for the salvation of us all.
Shooters and Fishers - Wants to allow shooting and fishing on public land, i.e. in national parks. But won't let you shoot muslims and abos so kinda gay tbh.
Australian Fishing and Lifestyle Party - Single issue pro fishing (both commercial and recreational) party. Kill the dolphins before they kill us.
No Carbon Tax Climate Sceptics - Single issue anti carbon tax party
Stable Population Party - Reduce payments related to having children, reduce immigration (because it has reached record fucking highs, unsustainable and it is no way of reducing poverty worldwide fucks sake)
Dead Jew on a Stick parties Edit
Democratic Labour Party (DLP) - Anti big goverment and big business, anti baby killing (the wimps)
Australian Christians - Christian party. Anti gay marriage, anti divorce, anti prostitution, increase the drinking age to 21
Family First - Christian party with an emphasis on families, big emphasis on families. In fact, they put family first. How regressive, someone call Fairfax. Also, the only new australian's that are allowed have to come out of my wife's sons vagina.
WEW LAD Edit
I'd encourage everyone, no matter their political leaning, to preference Rise Up Australia and the Australia First Party last. Castle doctrine is a terrible thing.
I want to be robbed in my own home by a criminal who will rape my loved ones freely, taking advantage of the possibly 11 minute window before Police response.
And if someone knocks their head on my door-frame they should have the right to sue me, an educated and morally superior leftist cuckold.